I’ve no ideas running, huffing and puffing around in my brain that ought to be shared. There. Truth from the start. You know that while normally I’d begin this post with a witty statement or descriptive scene, I just don’t feel like it. My heart is heavy.
Not too long ago, I came across a poem I wrote a few years ago. (Rarely do I share my poetry as it is usually written in the spur of the moment or during a breeze of emotion.) I find myself in this place too often; a place where I yearn to dwell in God’s presence and know that He loves me, but find myself too unclean to stay, running from the ugliness that is a human being, and one so unworthy.
However, I remind myself that I am constantly being pursued regardless of what I do.
The horizon blinks and gazes at me,
Challenging all I hear and all I see.
What does it mean to simply ‘be’?
Can one just exist while living and breathing?
You are everywhere and nowhere at once.
Your presence and love my only compass.
Yet it is not within my physical vision,
as if hidden too far beyond my reason.
Reason- my utmost enemy.
The complexities of faith astound me.
How can something, someone even be,
if that thing I cannot touch or see?
Yet you chase me, and I am captured.
Your love, my soul enrapture.
Reveling, marveling in your infinite grace.
Your arms surround me in strong embrace.
My unworthiness brings me shame.
I dare not to utter your precious name.
Yet your fingers gently lift my face,
and I stare into that infinite space.
My tears of shame are wiped away,
and in your grace you bid me stay.
The sheer blackness of my being,
Keeps me, blocks me from seeing.
Seeing again who I am in you.
You, who alone can see me true.
All those things I desire hidden,
you uncover, and forgive unbidden.
To know it is me that you so cherish.
My actions warrant not its merit.
No thing I do nor that I so decline,
would cause you to reject or despise.
I am your beloved, and my beloved is mine.
This relationship, your greatest design.
Yet darkness tries again to steal,
all I feel of you that is real.
Trapped in a thunderous whirlwind
blinded and caught in my deadly sin.
My own soul wretchedly mocks and taunts,
remembers all the shame I once wrought.
Still again you earnestly pursue.
There is nothing I could ever do,
that you would turn your lovely face,
away from all of my disgrace.
Reaching for my reluctant hand,
once again you make your willful stand.
Constant reminders of your affections,
Purest, seen most in nature’s reflections.
The purest love song have you written,
Dare I think with me you are smitten?
Arms open, tears roll down your face,
longing to wrap me in accepting embrace.
Finally, I surrender and succomb,
to your perpetual love you beg I come.
Resting as a child in a mother’s enfolding,
Acceptance of your grace no longer withholding.
It is now I find my truest evidence
In your perceptible, tangible presence.
It is here forever I must remain.
To live is Christ, to die is gain.